


Your Fault

by Humanity_Strongest_001, Levi__Acker_Gay



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anger, Angst, Injury, Insecurity, Levi deserves nice things, Out of Character, Panic, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Triggers, Unconsciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25401496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanity_Strongest_001/pseuds/Humanity_Strongest_001, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levi__Acker_Gay/pseuds/Levi__Acker_Gay
Summary: 'YOUR FAULT. And it was true as well,' Levi thought, 'he should have been watching, making sure they were okay, but now they were fighting for their lives. His squad. He was the Captain, not some stupid new rookie.'
Relationships: Levi & Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi
Kudos: 17





	Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy <3

_**YOUR FAULT** _

  
_**IT'S YOUR FAULT ALL YOUR FAULT.** _

The constant barrage of voices was drowned out by one, single, loud screaming voice.

_'YOUR FAULT. And it was true as well,'_ Levi thought, _'he should have been watching, making sure they were okay, but now they were fighting for their lives. **His** squad. He was the **Captain** , not some stupid new rookie.'_

He ceased the pacing and crouched down instead, counting as he inhaled _1...2...3,_ before exhaling _1...2...3_ ; trying to control his breathing and the rising panic before it got worse.

He laughed aloud, sounding manic, even to his own crazy mind. He was glad he had managed to get back to the privacy of his own room.

Levi sank further down to the floor, and crawled forward, feeling stupid. He turned, so his back was leaning against the dark wood of the door.

He laughed again at his own uselessness. _'He was pathetic.'_

Levi's pale, scarrred hands went to his head as his laugh turned into a choked sob. He pulled at his raven locks hard.

* * *

"It's your fault, Levi" Kittisshouted angrily, shoving him backwards hard. "Your fault your squad are hurt," Kittis snarled the words at him, backing Levi up until his back hit the panelled wall in the corridoor outside the infirmary, his face inches from Levi's.

The look of pure hatred in Kittis's icy eyes made Levi want to run, _'like a coward,'_ he thought, _'to the training room, the roof or his bedroom. Just away from here.'_

"You're useless," he carried on. "If they die, I will take you apart slowly with my bare hands. Slowly, and painfully. You know, " Kittis said half turning away.

Levi cringed at the words utterence, cringing into himself, his shoulders hunching, but Kittis continued with his cruel, _'and truthful'_ words - his mind interjected, unhelpfully.  
"But your squad does not deserve to be dragged down by **_YOU_**!" Kittis injected as much venom as he could into the last word.

Tears welled up in Levis' wide gray eyes, but he blinked them away, not wanting to appear anymore weak then he was already acting. In a quiet whisper, he said "I'm truly sorr-" but was cut off before he could finish.

"I'm sorry too. Sorry that it wasn't you who was injured and poisned. You would have deserved it though, wouldn't you?" Levi nodded, gasping slightly, as Kittis contined again, "always letting us down and Erwin."

Levi gasped again at that, eyes widening in shock and horror. Smirking Kittis added, "I have no idea what was going through my mind when I asked your regiment for helpp. Wait, I do. Sympathy. You were always a shit captain, the higher-ups knows it, your parents would know it it, and certainly your squad know it too."

  
Levi couldn't stop the tears falling this time. _'Why did he fell so weak?'_ "Did you know that Erwin asked me if he should let you be part of the survey corps. That he didn't want to see the regiment dragged down by you." Levi inhaled sharply at the revelation. _'It had to be false? Didn't it?'_

Kittis, ignoring Levi, raised his fist and slammed it into Levi's stomach, ignoring the wetness of blood on his fist from punching him, dismissing it as one of the squad's blood.

"I'm going to go, and make sure my friends are okay," Kittis snarled, stepping away. "They're hurt because of your weaknesses" he snarked over his shoulder before disappearing through the double doors of the infirmary, going to the to he injured members of _Levi's_ squad.

A few moments after Kittis left, Levi had wiped away the few tears that had managed to escape, and stumbled to his room, ignoring the stabbing pain in his abdomen. He told himself he deserved the pain, deserved to suffer for being such a failure.

..

Levi wanted to run back to the infirmary, back to his squad. _'To not appear so weak.'_ However he did not deserve love, that he pain, but was secretly afraid of his squad and Erwin repeating Kittis's words. Saying to him that they all hated him.  
Levi reached into his weapons belt and pulled out a small dagger he always kept. _Sentimental reasons_.

He let out a shaky breath as he pressed the cold metal to his warm skin. He pressed down hard, as he dragged the blade through his flesh, tearing it open not for the first time, but for the first time in ages.

Blood welled instantly, and the screaming voices in his head quietened, and blood trickled down his arm like a river of red.

_'They deserve to be happy, away from you. To be safe.'_ Levi thought, already making another cut. He dragged the blade through the skin of his inner forearm, beneath the crook of his elbow, again and again, until his hands were shaky from the bloodloss. He slumped back against the door, dropping the blade with a clatter.

_'He should change, and clean'_ he thought, as he glanced down at his blood streaked shirt and ODM gear. The shirt was also torn, _'another shirt for the trash,'_ he thought glumly. He managed to get to his feet, using the wall as a prop to lean against. He managed to pull the shirt over his head, wincing as the throbbing in his abdomen increased as he stretched the wound. He had to yank out the material from the wound along his stomach. _'Oh,'_ he thought with what ammounted to mild interest, _'he'd been hurt.'_

His mind felt fuzzy. Levi dropped the ruined shirt in his hand, frowning when he couldn't quiet grip the shirt tight enough in his grip. _'It seems Kittis had gotten his revenge. He wouldn't have to take me apart slowly now,'_ hethought before collapsing, picturing Kittis's snarling and hateful face in his mind as he fell against the door, the blood loss making his limbs spasm.  
_'This is it. This is the end. I'm going to die within the safety of the wals. He was pathetic,'_ he thought.

_'NO!'_ he shouted at himself, _'he needed to make sure his squad were all okay. He was still Captain.'_ He reached up with blood streaked fingers, adrenaline fueling his slow and jurky movements, and tried to unlock the door, successfully managing to slide the dead bolt across the door after the third attempt.

However, Levi could no longer move. His fingers twitched as he tried to clench them. He slumped forward again, unconsious, head thunking against the door handle as he fell.

**Author's Note:**

> I realise that Kittis isn't involved with the Survey Corps much (specifically Levi Squad) but I needed an asshole character.
> 
> Kudos, comments and suggestions are always welcome  
> I also like hurting my favourite characters, so sorry


End file.
